This just in.

Remember that guy who liked BDSM and called me "little girl?" Yeah, well, someone found his brother's ad and posted it on failblog.com.

Blue Balls

Yesterday, I get a text from LawBag (lawyer + dbag). I have been emailing/chatting/texting with this man for the past month and he has yet to speak to me on the phone/meet up with me. He bailed like a GIANT P on our last date so I didn't expect to hear from him again. However, I did... and after listening to his explanation that he was in the middle of a move, I decided to give him a second chance. That was the wrong decision. The following is a summary of the text messages we exchanged yesterday. Please note that things I should have said/thought are in italics.

LawBag: Hey, I'm going to be in your general area tonight. Want to get together?

Me: Okay, sure. I'll be around later. How about a drink around 8? I'm sure we can find a bar near the metro.

LawBag: As much as I enjoy our conversations, I get the feeling that you might be "high maintenance and string a guy along." That's fine, I am not looking for a one night stand, but I'm not looking for blue balls for weeks either. You know? Maybe we should wait on meeting up?

Me: Whoa. What are you talking about you giganormous and offensive tool? How is meeting up for one drink tonight going to result in blue balls for weeks I mean, I'm hot but I'm not that hot? Additionally, how would waiting to meet up remedy this situation?

LawBag: "Just a feeling I've got. That's all."

Me: "Your feeling is what? That I don't put out on the first date?" Not for men who require a guarantee of it up front, choad.

LawBag: "Yes. And that even before/when you do- you make a guy jump through lots of hoops..."

Me: Wow. You are incorrect about making men jump through hoops although now you are making me rethink that plan. And thanks for being offensive. I have a feeling too and my feeling is that you are a GIANT P piece of crap too chicken to meet me so instead you are making up crap without even knowing me. You dipshit, mofo.

LawBag: "I didn't mean to offend. I apologize. And a little chicken maybe :)."


So, it sounds like LawBag only wanted to go out with me if I was willing to assure him he was going to get laid. That's classy. Well, LawBag, I hope you contract herpes and crabs from your dating habits. And end up with EPIC blue balls. EPIC.

Whaaa?

I received an email the other day from a very *special* man with a very *special* profile. In his one line email, he referred to me as a "little girl." I was less than impressed and clicked on his profile in order to block him from future communication. Do you know what it says?!!? I do.

Not only does he profess a love for BDSM right next to the section that says he has a child, but he elaborates on his fetish... "I'm pretty sick" and reports that he's going to hell for his "loose morals." Wow. Did you know that the more a girl submits, the more he likes her? HAWT.

Now, I do not judge people for most bedroom fetishes and fantasies (with the exception of furries and anything involving excrement, because those are funky). However, I do think that you shouldn't announce how twisted you are on a dating profile, especially if you have children who are potentially old enough to find your dating profile. I'm just sayin'... kids don't want to know that their dads like to dominate women in their spare time.